Tom Diaz

Yes, Hillary Will Run: Hog Wallers, Fly-fishing, and The Wisdom of the Fireman’s Daughter

In bad manners, Ethics in Washington, Geezer Rants, Ignorance of History, NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION, politics, The Great Stupid, The So-called "News Media", Tired Old Republicans on March 22, 2014 at 8:13 pm

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton

Is Hillary Clinton going to run for President?

Duh-uh. Once you grasp the deep meaning of the story of the Fireman’s Daughter, you know the answer.

Of course, she’s going to run.

The last people to understand this will be the “analysts” of the “news” media.

HOW SOON THEY FORGET–IF THEY EVER KNEW

Many of these talking faces were still popping zits the last time Hillary ran for President. If they weren’t so damned pompous, frowning knowledgably into the Big Camera, and presuming to explain the meaning of it all to us—we, the great mass of the ignorant and unwashed intellectual proletariat—they might be forgiven their limp grasp of the salient facts.

It’s a bit like expecting today’s 40-something-and-under-year-olds to know where Iwo Jima is (“Umm, isn’t it in the Bahamas?”), or what the Korean War was all about (“Uh, so, like, the Koreans wanted their independence from England or something. Whatever.”).

The others, the banal and boring veterans—the producers, the hosts, and the expert guests—are all into the game of New Journalism in 140 Words or Less. They peer into the vast black hole of 24/7/365 media screen time—a  hole that has to be filled with something, anything—and vomit out their paycheck’s worth of smug bloviation.

The few among the gray hairs who actually get it know that “the HRC story” will collapse the minute the balloon of speculation about Clinton goes limp. Who then will need—or even want—their “informed” opinion? The very office of prognostication demands that they pump up the balloon at every chance.

Clinton Attends "Low Dollar" Fundraiser In New YorkBut, please, come on, the politics are plain and simple.

Hillary was Destiny’s Child in the run up to the 2008 Democratic nomination. It was hers to lose, and, as most of us know, she lost it. She was crushed by that upstart and thoroughly condescending enigma named Barack Hussein Obama.

The Clintons don’t like losing. They will do damned near anything to win back what they lose. Exhibit A, Bill Clinton’s flip-flop-and-flip-again on what used to be charmingly called “gun control.”

When Bill Clinton was trying to win back his Arkansas governor gig, he claimed that he was against gun control. When his writtecirque du soleil imagen answers to the NRA candidate questionnaire called that profession of libertarian faith into doubt, Clinton called The Man at the NRA and claimed that the answers on his questionnaire were wrong. Bill instantly changed them to the NRA’s liking. He blamed the unfortunate misunderstanding on some staff member.

Later, when he decided to run for President, Bill flipped again and backed the Brady Law and eventually the 1994 Assault Weapons “Ban,” both of which were passed and  signed into law on his watch. Since then, William Jefferson Clinton has been a virtual Cirque du Soleil on gun control. He flips left when it’s popular and right when it’s not. Sometime he just grins enigmatically, like a hound dog that just ate a McDonald’s ribs sandwich.

BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY

By Any Means NecessaryIn other words, the Clintons win by any means necessary.

And the necessary means here is money, money, money.

Having stuffed all possible competition into the deep freezer and slammed the lid, Hillary is free to continue raising enough cash to crush any random community activist and/or  Constitutional Law professor who wanders into her path. (Joe Biden serves as comic relief, and possibly as a clinical model of self-delusion.)

Hillary could just come out and say it, “Yes, I’m running.” But Mother Wisdom counsels against such a premature climax.

First, there is the matter of her eventual Republican opponent.

THE GREAT REPUBLICAN HOG WALLER

While the Clinton money machine continues to vacuum up the big bucks, the Entity-Formerly-Known-as-the-Republican-Party is in the early stages of its quadrennial Clown Show. It pigsmay be a “fight for the base,” but it looks like a bunch of old white men swimming for the bottom of a mud wrestling pit.

Why would Hillary interrupt this spectacular hog waller?  By the time she has to get into play, these human slabs of pork will, in their efforts to out-demagogue each other, have provided hours of dumb, vicious statements for attack ads during the general campaign.

Second, there is the matter of motivating Hillary’s own base. And that brings us to the story of the Fireman’s Daughter.

THE FIREMAN’S DAUGHTER

lanternThis was my very favorite “practical joke” when I was a dissolute fraternity rat at the University of Florida, wasting my mind on toga parties and Gator football games.

It went like this. Football was (and is) very big in the Southeastern Conference. Florida home games attracted fans from other SEC schools. Thus, members of other chapters of my fraternity sometimes showed up at our house a day or so before the game, looking for traditional hospitality and a room.

These innocents we called our “fish.”

Friday evenings before the big game were usually quiet, the big parties being held Saturday after the game. Oftentimes, one or more of our visiting fraternal fish would wander into the chapter living room to join the perpetual Friday night bull session.

I, or another of my brothers, would flick a wrist and lay a casual line in the water.

“Hey, anybody been out to see Becky lately?”

This would elicit a few shrugs of studied indifference, and the conversation would be nudged in another direction.

But often enough one of the fish would go for the fly.

“Who’s Becky?”

Subtlety was everything at this crucial moment.

“Aw, nobody, really.”

“No, seriously, who is Becky?”

The conspirators would exchange a few reluctant grins and let the fish swim closer to the bait.

“Just some girl that lives out in the country.”

“Just some girl?”

“Well, okay, she really likes to do it.”

“You mean…?”

“Yep.”

Gentle reader, understand that this was in an era before the “hookup,” when men and women lived in separate dormitories, the women’s more guarded than a harem.

“Well, come on, how can we meet her?”

The hook was set.

While the rest of the conversation played out, a few brothers would casually slip out of the room. Their task was to  head out and set up the joke in a sandy rural wilderness area, filled with moss-strewn pin oaks and crisscrossed by a few rutted car trails.

“It’s not worth the effort.”

“No, come on, it’s worth it to me.”

“Well, all right. Okay. See, her father works on the railroad. He’s a fireman. “

By now the fish were firmly in the hook of their own libidinous imaginations.

“When he’s out on the road, she leaves a lantern out to signal that it’s okay to come in.”

“Can we go out there? Now?”

A few more shrugs. Long delay. Pained introspection. Finally, a sigh of the Good Host’s surrender.

“Okay. We got nothing else to do.”

At that, the fish would pile happily into a car or two, intoxicated by their good luck.

Sure enough, there would be a lantern out by one the trails. But, after we all walked a dozen yards or so in the supposed direction of Becky’s shack, a loud, gruff male voice would ring out.

“I knew I would catch you!” the voice shouted. “Now, I’m gonna’ kill you!”

BANG!  BANG!

Two bright flashes and two enormously loud shotgun blasts would ring out into the deep Florida night. All hands would turn, “haul ass” for the cars, and “escape” from the trap set by Becky’s irate father.

Safely back in the living room, the fish would be debriefed.

Many claimed to have seen Becky’s father. One insisted that he had been hit in the foot by a shotgun pellet. Another disappeared for hours, eventually making his way back to Gainesville and the fraternity house on foot, hiding in the roadside weeds from every passing car (including ours), convinced that Becky’s father was hunting him down.

Seeing Becky’s father and being hit by a pellet were both impossible conditions. The shotgun blasts were made by a Gator cheerleader’s noise-making apparatus. It did not and could not fire real shotgun shells, but it made a hell of a noise. It was set off by one of the advance party. Becky’s father, like Becky, was pure invention.

The most fun came when we finally announced the ruse.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY

The lesson?

Hillary has cast her fly out into the dark water of the Democratic base. She’ll take her time and control her hand until she has the hook set and the fish are left with nowhere to go but into her bag.

Go Gators!

Bass with moody damsel

Breaking News: Hot Stuff! Incredible Image of Hillary Clinton Appears on a Pepper

In politics on March 18, 2014 at 5:07 pm

MIRACULOUS IMAGE OF OUR LADY HILLARY APPEARS ON A PEPPER!!!

Mysterious Image of HRC

Mysterious Image of HRC

HRC pepper 02

Hector Chiste-Pendejo of Los Cabrones, CA, discovered this striking image of perennial Presidential aspirant Hillary Rodham Clinton on a pepper in his garden.

Chiste, who describes himself as a “simple web designer who likes to work with his hands” says he and his neighbors pitched in to create a small shrine to Nuestra Senora de la Sagrado Pimento in his back yard.

“It’s nothing like one of the super PACs could do,” Chiste shrugs. “But it’s real grass roots stuff.”

In less than one week, more than 8,000 visitors from in and around Los Cabrones have wandered through the yard to pay their respects , he says.

“This is a sign from above,” Chiste-Pendejo said. “It will be fulfilled by Queen Hillary’s Coronation.”

Coulter, Kaus and Those Uppity Brown People

In Cultural assassination, Ignorance of History, politics, The Great Stupid, The So-called "News Media", Tired Old Republicans on March 9, 2014 at 2:14 pm

Leading Conservatives, Presidential Candidates Speak At CPAC Gatheringkaus

This from The Huffington Post about two of the most spiritually ugly “pundits” in America today:

Conservative firebrand Ann Coulter and the Daily Caller’s Mickey Kaus held a one-sided debate on Saturday that mostly served as a 50-minute screed from Coulter on the “browning of America” due to immigration.

Among other reasons to oppose reform, Coulter said: It would help Democrats.

“You want the Democrats who want more immigrants, particularly illegal immigrants, because they need brand new voters, just warm bodies, more votes,” she said. “Amnesty goes through, and the Democrats have 30 million new voters. I just don’t think Republicans have an obligation to forgive law-breaking just because the Democrats need another 30 million voters.”

The debate was ostensibly between a conservative and a liberal — Kaus said he voted twice for President Barack Obama — but the two speakers shared the same view on immigration. Although they discussed a variety of topics, immigration became the principal focus — and not exactly in the softer tone many Republicans have been attempting on the issue to avoid alienating Latino voters.

On that front, Kaus wasn’t much different from Coulter.

“Democrats have a perfectly good reason to be for amnesty, which is craven ethnic pandering that’s going to ensure our power for the next two generations, but what is the Republican excuse?” Kaus asked while talking about Republicans who support reform.

Coulter praised 2012 Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney’s comments on immigration, which were widely considered to hurt his efforts to win over Latinos. She said she supported Romney because he was the “most aggressive” on immigration.

Coulter said only MSNBC seems to have noticed — and celebrated — the “browning of America.” “But if you don’t celebrate it, you’re a racist,” she said sarcastically.

She mocked those who are more sympathetic to undocumented immigrants, saying most undocumented people are young men who crossed the border without authorization. She also said it’s wrong to claim concern about children when discussing deportations.

“It’s not as if people crossing the border illegally in the back of trucks marked pico de gallo, hiding in barrels, running from the border guards — it’s not like they did not know what they were doing was wrong,” she said. “Everyone acts like they stumbled into the country.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/08/ann-coulter-cpac_n_4926558.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000013

I just love it when bloviaters like Coulter and Kaus denigrate, disparage, and demean immigrants and the modern immigrant experience, because it adds more mass to the right-wing death spiral, which has already reached terminal velocity. In their ignorantly misshapen view, the only authentic immigrant experience was (a) white European imperialist “colonizers” committing genocide, (2) mass importation of black slaves by white European imperialists committing genocide, and (3) white European imperialists opening the valve for “brown” Europeans [Eastern and Southern Europeans] just enough to provide labor to be exploited by the white European imperialist industrial enterprises. After that, circa 1924, the ladder goes up, “quotas” are imposed, **and** immigrants of other ethnic origin are an existential threat to be denigrated, disparaged, and demeaned. [Putting aside the earlier, very racist Asian Exclusion Acts of the late 19th century.] This is why millions of Latinos, I for one example, who hold some cultural values similar to the Entity Formerly Known as the Republican Party will never, never, ever vote for a Republican Presidential Candidate.

That Kaus resorts to the “P” word–ethnic “pandering”–shows the paucity of his intellectual arsenal.  It’s as if civil rights legislation in the 1960s was “racial pandering.”And the minimum wage is “pandering to the poor.”

Mickey, get a clue. The days of the Big House are over.

(Curiously, Ron Paul may prove to be the crucial exception, but he is not really a Republican, but a radical Libertarian. Hillary should be very afraid of him.)

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